Over the past few weeks I’ve been building a friendship with a married woman who is married with her husband for the last 18 years and as a 7 year old son on the spectrum just like his mother and me. I stumbled across her on Instagram when I was browsing through posts that are hashtagged #femaleaspie and its really littered with “model shots” on different young women from around the world writing up her life stories and experiences about living on the autism spectrum.
Her then recent selfie post caught my eye on her beauty as she appeared like a throwback 1950s glam model and I liked it and decided to follow her when I realise she documents her daily life sorta but shares information of her childhood right through to her adulthood where she explains the life of an undiagnosed aspie and her daily struggles fitting into the world.
At one point I decided to message her to say hey and try to start a conversation with her and get to know her an female aspie adult in this alien world we both live in like the rest of the adult aspies of Earth. I don’t actually remember the humble beginnings of what we talked about but I mostly just reacted to every Instagram story she shared about her life whether it was positive or negative. The strange thing was I was more in tune with her negative material with her struggles growing up with a family who shook their heads in cringe thinking what could they do for her to make her behave lie the rest of the people around her.
Over the weeks she started posting more photos of glam shots where she dressed a certain fictional female character (they even included Jessica Rabbit and Ariel from The Little Mermaid) or real life woman (like Bridgette Bardot and Marilyn Monroe) she greatly admires with their beauty even if it requires wearing a certain wig and type of clothes to match with that woman. I took a real liking for it thinking how she can come out of her shell and do these photos that to others find it weird like its something only little girls and teenage girls do at costume parties where booze is flowing at a birthday or Halloween. This is all in the name of a interest she has with being obsessed with 50s glam models and strong fictional female characters on beauty standards.
With this friendship I built, it revolved around healing her from upsetting events in her life and sharing goofy humour that neurotypical adults just don’t get and just won’t tolerate it as humour as such. At one point, I somehow helped her realize who she really is as a person deep down when she revealed to me that she’s undergoing a “sexual awakening” and wanted to post some semi-risque selfies of herself in lingerie as a way to send a message to all married women that it’s perfectly fine to flaunt your sexy side to the world while you’re in your late 30s and be a wife and mother as well. I encouraged her to keep going with this is personally was a fan of this while thinking “Wow she’s actually showing this side of her as a potential , favourable autism advocate for aspie women”.
I was pretty cunning with this ordeal to not once directly tell her to keep posting them daily for personal gain for my eyes and preserving mental images of her outfits and body that goes with her. and for other men too… because they drive me wild with her beauty and I just wanted to keep her in the zone to not see her as a softcore pornstar model in adult magazines and as a positive influence for wives and mothers who are insecure of showing some skin in a non-risque nature as such.
Last week… I couldn’t believe what she told me since coming out to me that he had a sexual awakening. Since she was flattered by the comments on her glam shots and some of her semi-risque lingerie shots she shared last week; she wanted to share some real risque selfies but only shown to “Close Friends” on Instagram and not the public. I was one of the “Close Friends” that got to feast my eyes of these images. She started off with a selfie of herself stripping a skirt off a teddy while having some other photos of the full set with the skirt and a revealing teddy all shot at a mirror. Days later to my surprise, she posted up a pair of selfies in a stretchable elegant dress where she teased the camera with stripping one of her sleeves off and yanking it down still her breast could just about to spring out followed by stripping the sleeves of her arms where the dress could barely hold up around her chest with a shock face.
Why would she post these risque selfies to Close Friends on Instagram? Yeah… of course its her sexual awakening and she was starting to get real confident with the body after years of hating it. After complimenting so much of the glam shots as well as her lingerie shots, I started to share my imagination of what she could do in her future semi-risque and risque shots and she loved it and thought my imagination was amazing and she told she wished she could have my mind for a day; or at least get into my mind so she could have my imagination. She took note and went along it which were mainly ideas to tease viewers who go through her Instagram selfies after a couple of daily posts of aspie-related issues where its mostly dealign with people around her which a drainer for her.
More of her was revealed to me while she was slowly getting to know herself more while she’s discovering myself; which included matching the description of a demisexual and admitting that she’s open to be flexible (despite identifying as a straight woman) with jumping into bed with women but has to be very, very selective with which women she would happily experiment with. This is a woman married to her husband for 18 years so far. I’m starting to learn that women are better off having poly marriages and being open to new sexual experiences with the same sex without hesitation as women are just curious creatures just like men are simple creatures that don’t know any better with how to be a man around a woman who is married to you.
She told me that she admits kissing 3 women in the past which one of them was a woman hitting on her for a kiss and so she just let her kiss her and didn’t think too long over it but didn’t tell me what it felt like to kiss a woman.
Recently after more of my friend’s self-discoveries, she hit a brick wall…
My friend revealed to me the other day that her 18 year marriage had come to an end and she’s now seperated and divorced; after she realised she spent years shaping herself as a wife to please her husband while not wishing him to leave her side as she’s always attached to him fearing she would be alone forever. Differences between her real self and as a wife se thought wasn’t toxic for all these years spring to her mind and all these changes recently with new experiences with her sexual awakening one and off Instagram caught up with her.
Since she’s now identified as demisexual, I had to look up the definition of the word despite hearing that label before in the past by another women I spoke to in the Hiki community. I began to rewind back to when I started a friendship with her that most of our conversations was emotion-based discussing with one another on how struggles to fit into a normie world around us to avoid being judged on our quirky differences and how we behave when we socialise as aspies even that the slightest detailed scenario we over-think on. I have a feeling that she’s falling for me this way and it’s gonna make her jump off a bridge feeling like her life was a fraud when she never was her real self as a wife and mother to have these self-discoveries which now paints a different picture of what she is and who she is as an aspie.
As I’m typing this, I sent a Hello to her on Instagram and she’s seen the message. I feel like she’s gone mute with herself overwhelmed with anxiety with how much her life has changed in a matter of weeks. I do wonder if she will tell me that she’s falling for me and would leave her old life behind to be with me since her demisexual ways have caught on since being there for her when the world gets her down with her abusive family members and failed friendships over the years that she wants back. Only time will tell…