Last night after coming from work, my mother was cooking up a nice dinner for me and the family to have outside in our backyard during a beautiful sunny evening; a chance to see the sun go down while having dinner I would assume.
Eating outside is out of my comfort zone when it comes to eating around the table with my family as I struggle to out up with regular eating sounds but mostly the sounds of food mushing around in their mouths, and I often assume they’re eating obnoxious when they’re not…
So instead of having the balls to tell them that its about time I stop putting up with my sensory overloads and eat alone for dinner for now on due to the amount of irritability and agitation I experience from hearing the crunching, munching, mushing and teeth clacking while eating food I have to endure; I just put up with them and use my sensory fidget and stim my legs while i’m eating.
I’m in my comfort zone when it’s inside and we have the TV playing at a balanced volume and i’m not as agitated and irritated form the eating sounds as I distract myself with watching whatever is playing on TV or juts zoning out while eating and listen to the TV playing.
To open to my family that I want to eat alone and only eat dinner with them on special occasions would be hurtful deep down because they’re not obnoxious eaters but normal eaters. But eating sounds in’t the only thing I put up with during dinner, it’s also my father’s habits of constant throat-clearing that involves him deeply inhaling then let out “aheeyeahh aehhhh” but sounding like its controlled, high-pitched and sounding sophisticated trying to sound abrupt plus a cough or two on top of that. This noisy habit I have no strategy to put up with it but just mimic his throat-clearing very very subtly so no one hears me do it. His other noisy habit which is odd is its single loud hiccup that echoes the whole kitchen and dining area which isn’t constant hiccuping that I flinch when he does it and he’ll just say “Can’t hep it” with a goofy look sticking up his nose at me and the others like its a joke to him.
Can’t wait to move out soon because my family will be all bark bark bark that I’m so rude to complain that I want the privilege to eat alone to avoid family time around the table when its mainly dinner; and probably plot against my own will to start dinner by the time I finish having my evening shower before dinnertime when that’s why only outlet to avoid having dinner with my family.